It’s a study day so I should be writing an assignment but instead I am sitting in a cafe by our main library waiting for a statistics training course. Because when I prioritised my week understanding the statistics programme that the library subscribes to seemed way more important that the assignment worth 35% of my mark.
I am sure that says something terrible about my priorities. Perhaps it suggests I am in the wrong job…. In fact I seem to remember a year or so ago a friend told me about a data analytics as a job and it sounds amazing. I can’t quite believe that you could be paid to roam through statistics and turn it into graphs and summaries. I can’t understand why everyone doesn’t want to do that job. And all of me would love to jump ship and change course to a different degree (I checked and you can do a masters in analytics through Massey University) apart from one crucial matter….. I am, disappointingly, not particularly mathsy.
I love the idea of numbers and seeing them turn into something useful. I could spend many many many (oh so many) hours pouring over information books. But this is not really enough to decide in my early 40’s to do yet another about turn (keeping in mind I started my adult life with a physiology and developmental biology honours degree) and change directions again.
And this Vague inkling that I should do something different is probably my overwhelming desire I have to not be studying. I mean I am thoroughly over studying. I have been studying for bloody ever. The joy of having been studying part time is that it takes forever so despite the fact that I have been doing this for nearly five years I. AM. ONLY. HALF. WAY. THROUGH. UGHHHHHH!!!!! So, in the little stupid bit of my brain that tries to fix problems the wrong way, I think “I know. Lets swap degrees and go this way instead”. Because a whole new degree will make my life easier?
It is my own fault of course. I took a semester off last year when I got my new job so I had a taste of freedom. And now I am back to working and studying and it is unsurprisingly not nearly as nice as just working. Who would have thought huh?
It is so tempting to give myself an out for quitting. Study just makes me so strung out. I unsuccessfully try to put study questions out of my head to get to sleep. But I dream about assignments. I wake up in the night thinking that I have figured it all out and then of course as my brain wakes up I sadly realise that my assignment is no more finished than when I fell asleep. I dread opening up my computer and seeing what I wrote the night before. And as soon as one assignment is written another one is about to be due.
However, the end goal is to have completed the degree. I want to be able to be the best library assistant (and ideally librarain if I can deal with the registration process) that I can be. So, I will keep on keeping on.
And (I am saying this just to keep myself on task) today I will write at least half of my required book recommendations before I release myself for lunch/afternoon tea. And then tonight I need to get the remaining half done (I hope my family do not require dinner) before I can go to bed.
Here’s to you all keeping on at whatever is tripping you up.
Oooooo, it is nearly time to go and escape for an hour with statistics 🙂